When this happens

Its so subtle, the thought of you.

The thought of infatuation of you and maybe the retune of such manic expression towards me..

one lonely dreamer can only wish upon a star that doesn't care for my presumed inconsequential existence. Until those waves of surprise...that wait for an opportunity to rock my center of balance to a new or old alignment that I've forgotten.
I desire a "rocker," amongst me. A no holds bar, shakes me to extrasensory over load of emotions that are undecipherable. To the point of "whoa" And sadly my mind wonders of your purulent clauses of beauty.

My unknown and volatile beauty, can I know you?

No name.

I don't have a name for this, just an emotion or two. Traversing this journey called life with my two cents and change. For lack of a better term..its uncommon. Not by my own definition but by those so willing to marginalise the others. Funny how I never saw myself as an "other" until the other told me just how much of an " other" I was. My tone was other, my speech was other, my interest were other, my cuisine was other, and my hair was certainly other. Not pretty, not decent just other. What does that even mean? For some time I was assumed to be ashamed of my other-ness despite my ignorance to my position in the realm of normal? I would judge my reflection on how I looked but the term "other" never hit me.  Maybe my hips too wide, nose too wide, too soft spoken, tom boy extraordinare. But who cares. I'm too into myself to take any "other" opinion seriously.

Its s big step, to be confident in yourself. To disregard the ugly of human race and see yourself as beautiful and flawed, what a life! It's blindfully telling.
This write up has no name.

Namaste.

After Midnight

Late nights up till sunrise, so much to wonder. You know whats perplexing? The nature of people; the bad and good. And its affect on others. I can only pray my ripples of influence create balance and peace but I am a mere sinner of epic proportions. Hm.. A sinner. In the christian faith, what's written and whats perceived seem to differ wholly based on interpretation. The major argument now is "gay" vs "hetero". Do we still believe that one holds higher moral ground over another based on whom they sleep with? Goodness I would hope not; there are a lot of immoral sexing in Christian churches that eventually bring hierarchical pastors to their own humble knees. Thank God for scandals. But hey, not judging! To each sin their own. If we can be so rediculous with a God we can't see, why can't we accept sins that are visible? Perhaps understanding the fatalities of spiritual effectiveness would therefore entice our humility, our understanding, our fraternity of love for all. "Paging Jesus of Nazareth... Your message has been diluted. Please clarify and reiterate". Ameen.
Besides faith, Love is a stupid emotion. We dream it, fear it, expect it, and judge it. All in the while chasing that very same Love. So where is it? Is it home among family? Out with our vices? Somewhere among conversations? Speaking for myself, Love is where I am comfortable. I can therefore make myself very comfy among those honest enough to accept my minimal comfort. Is that Love? No its comfort, love needs to involve commitment, passion and promise.

Friendship encompasses all of those in a non romantic way. I have this best friend that polishes my brokenness into such pretty a shell that I sometimes fool myself. Ha! She's that great an individual....and I swear that I do not deserve her. Why I feel I don't deserve her is probably due to my awe of her unselfish attitude. She told me before she left that "If I have extra, you have extra" *cries*. I pulled away a little too fast mainly because I didn't want her to see the tears. I cried because she saw my dire needs through my vague words, I was mad. Mad that my facade was see-though. Mad that I couldn't hide it, and mad that I didn't give her back her money by reflex. I knew my needs but my pride did its best to hammer out the bumps of dependence.  However through it all, she remains! Glory! I haven't messed that up. Lawd be an electric fence of smartitude (I made that up) and responsibility. If there is at least one person who makes sense of the chaos, and straps into the ride with you?  Well, goes without saying that individual is more than special.

This blog has no directing

This write up had no direction, hope you enjoyed it.

namaste