My Favorite Holiday To Hate

Elizabeth F. Jeudy CHRISTMAS: My narrative on my favortite holiday I’ve grown to hate. You are my gifts; I don’t need anything more than breath, but appreciation always woulld make me smile but I am willing to pass that on to those who are more than difficult to convince of their worth. That’s OK with me. When you are accepting at receiveing less because you’re already convincingly full of the non-tangebles, you accept the purposeful empty cards with whistful good wishes. You accept and say “Thank You for your thoughts”. While you have past due payements on adult responsibilities all to make sure the others in your life are pleased. My pleasure never mattered to me much, because it came not from my own selfish endeavors but from seeing those corny smiles from my family and friends. But I’m not being honest; the gifts I did receive were never what I requested when at long last asked “What would you like for Christmas?” I just accepted the last-minute thought-less gifts as at least something; at least I was a thought for just a moment. “No, take them and be grateful” was the constant speech I gave myself to appear merry and joyful. Those gifts to this day from a decade ago of dealing with this habit have remained in my closet untouched. I was always an earner, maybe a lull in times but when I was on, no one could stop me and I then looked forward to spend that little fortune on my clueless family to show some shallow grattitude of “LOOK WHAT I DID, LOOK WHAT I HAVE SPENT MY HARD HUSTLE MONEY ON JUST TO SHOW MY INKLING OF LOVE ON THIS HOLIDAY that I grown hate”. GOAL: Met- GOAL: Ignored. I am often not lonely but I will admit, these holidays will be a lonely set of joyless folly. I am so polite that these faux-kindness gifts and and Thank You’s are soaked up like well wishes often were, reminicent of War-Time propaganda; believing the best just to have something to believe in. I wished and prayed for recognition deeper than a summer rain puddle. Why doesn’t anyone get it? I smile so that you can smile back. I don’t frown so you can smile back, and force my smile for the same damn reason. God; I just want my smile to be organic, recognized, appreciated and pleasant to the eyes that matter. Please, I need a rescue from this nonesence holiday that breaks my bank account and subsequentially my heart. But after all it is Christmas, and all that Ho-Ho-Ho Jolly fun-time Opiate of December is abundantly annoying just knowing what is and has been essentially in store for me. So easy to swallow, so easy to succumb, so easy to smile. Merry Christmas.