Friday, October 14, 2016


I deny myself.
I deny my issues slight and large.
I deny those caring for my tender heart beat.
So when I claim to be ok, I abhore you to question it.
I've been fighting since I could spell it but the love... The LOVE is real.
All I ask is to "hold me. My lack of confidence may be my undoing. And the last word I want to hear is "YOU'RE STRONG" because I am NOT.
I'm weak, I am so vulnerable. Please be near me and don't inundate me with your nonsense while clouding my own difficulties with petty crap!....." Is what I want to yell.
Sad clowns always have a reason to smile.
I have reasons to smile.

Monday, August 10, 2015

Something Nice

Long days, dripping with sweat and resentments.  I'd rather be on a beach without either, but I am an adult with adult responsibilities completely lacking of affordable downtime. 
One thing I want is a form of comfort in one verse or another; one tone or another; one word or another. Tell me something nice please.
Tell me something as cliche as "Everything will be alright",  because even that will have me look up. Wipe the sweat from my brow and ask why do I feel that working so hard towards a goal I can't touch is my journey?  Tell me something as nice as "Tell me something nice".
But words like "I give up on you" or harsh moments of desperate silence seem to finish those sentences of wondering what exactly did I do? In those words "WHAT DID I DO"
For you to consider me regrettable
For you to consider me forgettable
For you to consider me umentionable.
But when that fan hits some shit I'm the first person to come to mind to clean up the mess you're responsible for. How convenient for you to claim no blame but watch me attempt to make it better and point while saying "I got her".

I'm a fool.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Dear Indigo

My dear indigo child, ageless on your aging yet wise in all wisdom. If we could all be like you! Regardless of things maybe worth regarding, you were quick to disregard the regarding of your regards because you disregarded them! Such bravo and courage and courage and bravo. Bless us all with your continuation of the road less traveled.  I admire you.  Happy birthday Victoria! 
Love,  your cousin

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Heart and Art

All this trouble I've been seen and I've squandered all opportunity to write it down. Instead I chose to have pointless conversations with pointless people with pointless answers because they are pointless people. "I promise that this bottle is the last one" while on my way to remake the same promise with another last bottle. 

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Brown eyed posessed

Oh the case I have, its almost deterrent. If I could maybe be the cold fool you fall for? This would be easy. But these foolish eyes and constant sorry's keep me looped in endless empathy that catch me in forever maybes of stories bought in pharmacy stores. 
Everyday I ask what is it if its worth it but as soon as I hear soothing words of something that I can't exactly make sense of I turn dumb. Emotionally.
Who am I? I am I living when I love what I love.  A person who understands who makes me likely to care. Who moves me like like a potter with in my frame work and melds comfortably until I break as a broken pot of clay. I'm looking for my glue.
Wishes are made while dreaming, therefore as I dream my wish is for you and your joy. Nothing less but certainly more, even if more equals the minus of me plus the affect of an equal or more individual, which would result in a complete you. You and your brown eyes.

Monday, November 3, 2014


I wished that you answered but its OK, I'll leave this message. It may have been a few hours since we spoke that was a few hours too long and I'm longing. Just a gentle hello from you makes this storm of existence ease, I need that from you right now. My bow is breaking with only one solution; that strength in you.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014


Wake up, wondering if I got just One from you. From that moment I wonder If I mean a thing to you? And then it comes, so vague. Not sure how to behave but my feelings soaring like a raging wave and all I can muster up is "hey". A million times I've asked, "How are things present and past?". Same old predictable words while what I was to say occurs as: All day I think of you, no one else but you. If I could be so distracted from anything else? I would. Do you know your affect, just how much you interject? In thoughts I felt were absent of YOU, but yet you're present. Not sure how to assume or move because all of this we are not immune, but yet we talk and laugh as if when we reach our rooms it isn't each other we bay at the moon..for? What to do, where do we go, what do we say? How do we grow? Our hearts beat simultaneous to the beat of an irreplaceable tune that is specific to you, if you hear.