Dear Self.

Dear Self,
Another morning, hazy and full of regrets. Regretting what you shoulda, coulda, woulda but didn't. So now now you relentlessly beat yourself without mercy for what you cannot change. So typical. Tired from imagining a redo that will never come, and planning for ways to forget that very fact; you trudge to a job. A J-O-B and nothing more, but so much less. 1:00pm; a few smart comments exchanged between you and the manager, maybe some tasks completed IF you can get over how heavy this burden of misery is; 50% of the day is over. A nap, some food, and 3hrs later you drive home carrying a few extra gray hairs.
Self, I don't know about you but I'm sure tired of this routine. For what it is worth you aren't as hapless nor hopeless as you perceive. People of all ages die everyday and yet here you are available to muck up another opportunity to live. Self be forgiving, be patient, be brave, and be deserving. To yourself. To others. Many don't understand the steps you take to be who you are, nor the stumbles encountered that lead to incredible victories that no one knows about. So humble Self, or is that shame that blinds and muffles you?

Self, you're so beautiful. You hear it all day long. Why don't you believe it? Why do you get into your own way and sink into the bs of negativity? Stop denying yourself the happiness waiting for you just beyond your silly self loathing. Yea Self, its silly. Silly to slap yourself for what's not important while laying low to greatness. Enough! Open your eyes Self: Life has just begun. Love you.

Namaste

Loneliness in a lonely world.

<p>Hey All.<br>
I've had a few difficult weekends. One guy-related, one family related blowout after another. So&nbsp; my emotions are on a literal crash course rollercoaster. Yes, please feel bad for me. No, don't attempt to "psychologize" me, just aide me in discovering ways to pull away my dark clouds. <br>
Do you have dark clouds? I'll tell you my own dark clouds. Self loathing, insecurity, paranoia...cray cray! Took me my entire 20's to realize that these feelings happen but they don't have to. How to prevent them is another story, but I do have a theory.
I am blessed with wonderful friends who I never doubted to always have my best interest and mine theirs. They are my antidote to my poisonous thoughts so when I'm drowning in them I know exactly who to call. So I call. And call. And call. And call some mo'. Never an attitude, always gracious and kind words to set my scales right. I'm now at a point where just the thought of my homegirls sets me straight because I KNOW they love me inside and out.
Now that's the easy part... the hard part are the people in your life that you aren't so sure about. How do you handle them? Some may be cool, enjoyable, and perhaps carry similar interest and attributes. And I swear this happens all the time- the second you've let your guard down they show their true ugly colors. My immediate response is always "why me?". But in all honesty, why not me? Whom am I to anyone but another lonely girl?
Immediately I call upon my antidote because at least to them I'm too precious to succumb to the poison so easily.

A quickie write up
Namaste.